An Emergency Room doctor. My own family doctor. My gastro Dr. All said there was very little to no chance of me having a certain chronic disease from the blood work and medical procedure I’d had done.
To be sent for the first time in my life to the Emergency Room isn’t what I wanted. I don’t need emergency rooms. But I did that day.
To break down on the poor nurse who told me I needed to get to the Emergency Room quick isn’t what I wanted. I don’t cry. But I did that day.
To be diagnosed after 21 birthdays with a chronic disease isn’t what I wanted. But four days ago, indeed, I did get diagnosed with one.
After three doctors telling me I wouldn’t have this particular disease.
And when I was diagnosed, I faced the world with a smile knowing I had nothing to worry about I had a “How can THREE medical professionals be wrong?!” moment. I had a “What does this mean and how much is this going to cost?!” moment. I had a “Please hold my hand and walk through this with me.” moment (While I was talking to God, I also had my fiancé with me and that thought was on infinite repeat in my head the entire day.)
To say the very least, I was shocked down to my core. My insides were shaking, and I was trying to listen as my fiancé gently spoke encouraging words into my ears and as God whispered gentle reminders that HE holds the helm of my ship.
A couple days later, a friend posted lyrics from this song onto Facebook, and it spoke to that deep place in my soul:
God won’t let me go. Despite my questions. And I don’t think I’ve ever held my fiancé's hand as much as I did on that day. Despite my questions. I’m sure both wondered if I’d ever find the calm place where my questions would end.
The questions haven’t. I have a million. But calmness did eventually take over, and I was able to get some rest.
I’m so glad to be surrounded by those who love me and want the best and to be held in the center of God’s palm knowing He already has everything planned.
I’ll write more later. But listen to the song. And let it be a reminder that when we’ve had enough of life, there’s always someone willing to listen…including God.
