Photography and Such....

I got a new camera....and I couldn't be happier.

Of the 178 pictures I have taken with this camera, these two are my favorites...no reason why.

Anyway, maybe now I am an official photographer. Maybe. But I never imagined myself as one. So being one is difficult because-well, because I don't know how to be one. Thus, I am trekking forward and beginning a new thing. A thing I had no idea about.

Of COURSE, I'd be a teacher. Of course, I'd love to play piano. But I had absolutely NO idea this photography thing (thing=total love of the photography) would come along.

Now keep in mind that this isn't somthing that I've elected NOT to do--it's just nothing I THOUGHT I would do. And now that I do, I am LOVING every minute of it.

This blog has mostly been about uncertainty. Glimpses into my world only when I couldn't figure out where to leap next.

However, today is different. Today, I KNOW without a doubt that I am SUPPOSED to do photography. Whether that entails opening a business or just doing it sporadically, I can't answer yet. All I can say is I fully enjoy it and wholeheartedly intend to keep enjoying it.

That's it for tonight. More pictures to come--I hope :)

I Fail on the Drive

Where to begin? It's hard. Life is hard. Everyday, there are new twists, new turns, and new trials.

Everyday, there are things I wish were never said, things I wish would have been said, and things I wish I knew how to say.


I have the hardest time with relationships. I am nice. And then, I say or do something mean. Not necessarily mean...but not nice. It's crazy. And yes, I know why. I drive people away. So they won't hurt me in the long run, I drive them away as quickly and as hard as I can. There are only a few people that stay through it. Only a few that can stand me.

Is it the right thing to do? No. Is it natural? I think so. My human side hates to be hurt. My human side, however, cannot stand to be lonely either. So after I have driven away people, I am still hurt.

I always end up thinking, "Now, why did I do that?"

It's a question I can't answer. Except to give the reason of my human side taking control.

Oh, how I wish I had a manual from God stating, "Jessica, these are your exact footsteps, where you are to go, and what you are to say, exactly how NOT to hurt people and you not get hurt either."

But there isn't. There is the Bible which lays out a plan. And I try to follow it. It doesn't promise no hurt. But it promises God will be there for me even when I fail.

And I fail daily.