I'm just going to jump right in and see what we get.

These last 6 months have been so hard. Filled with trials. Filled with heartache.

These last 6 months have been the most proving of my entire life. Trying to prove that I had staying power. Proving that I didn't have any staying power on my own. Proving God is in control. Proving He has my life and my being in His hand completely and fully capable of wrapping me in His love, care, grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Nothing happens over night. I get that. Many nights, I went to bed with my heart literally shouting to God, "There is no way I can make it on my own. I am fixing to collapse. Please hold me up!"

And there were many mornings when I realized that God IS holding me up.

And now, I realize that if everything had happened on my time (OVERNIGHT, maybe?!), or the time I thought would be perfect for certain events, my life would be ridiculously unhappy.

Sure, I would have rathered graduate YESTERDAY instead of a year and a half, but I am still thankful that I didn't. That I haven't graduated.

Who knows what's up ahead? I surely don't. Yesterday, I thought FOR SURE, I'd be in bed by now, but God had different plans, and here I am. Writing a blog. At 2:19 a.m. In this moment, I am tired. In this moment, I want to erase everything and go to sleep.

BUT. In this moment, I will choose to publish what's on my heart. Because tomorrow, it might make all the difference in the world.

--J