All in a day...

My family and I just moved into a bigger house in December. Since our other house was so small, and we shared it with a mass of children under the age of 5 five days a week, we haven't been able to put out our Easter decorations. Not so this year. As you can see, the Easter tree is already up, and this bird is singing of its freedom! (Let's not ruin it by telling the poor thing that in a month, it'll be back in the box for a year...)

We are so ready for Easter!!!

I'll let you keep guessing at what this picture means...

Consistent...

Today. Changed. My. Life.

So cliche...but so true!

Today, I realized for certainty that I am so scared to change how I view something because of how I have viewed that something in the past. And since I let people know how I viewed it then, I am afraid of changing it now because they might call me a hypocrite....because I've changed my view.

We, as humans, have this huge bond with consistency. We thrive on it. We throw everything away (in some cases our new beliefs) because of it.

But that is sad. As humans, we also have new ideas and beliefs everyday. But a lot get discarded because we don't want our consistency rating with other people ruined and us have to fear getting called a hypocrite.

I have also realized that this doesn't make me a hypocrite. It makes me an average human being who simply has changed her mind.

Emerson said something along the lines of, "What if you contradict your self? What then?" He means, so what if your ideas are different than what they were yesterday? So what that people might call you a hypocrite? What is that going to hurt?

Now, it is hard. It is hard to change what you've told everyone you thought was the right thing to say-only to find out today that you shouldn' t have opened your mouth.

My consistency has been ruined. I now think a vastly different way regarding a particular issue, and I imagine some people won't let me get away without calling me a hypocrite.

But if everybody only believed what they've always believed, where would vitality be?

Now, I'm not talking drastic. I am speaking in the particulars. (Drastic would be something like changing religion. Particular means there is a certain thing on which my opinion has changed.)

I know this blog is a little incomplete, but it gives a lot to think about.

Are you consistent?

My first official photoshoot!

On Saturday, I did my first official photoshoot with my brand spanking new camera, and it was amazingly fun! Thanks to this little guy's Mama, his MiMi, his cousin, and his brother, we got many great laughs and awesome photographs!

I, of course, enjoyed every second of it as I figured out different little things on my camera.

Thanks, Clint, for such an amazing photoshoot :-) You are an awesome little boy.

Photography and Such....

I got a new camera....and I couldn't be happier.

Of the 178 pictures I have taken with this camera, these two are my favorites...no reason why.

Anyway, maybe now I am an official photographer. Maybe. But I never imagined myself as one. So being one is difficult because-well, because I don't know how to be one. Thus, I am trekking forward and beginning a new thing. A thing I had no idea about.

Of COURSE, I'd be a teacher. Of course, I'd love to play piano. But I had absolutely NO idea this photography thing (thing=total love of the photography) would come along.

Now keep in mind that this isn't somthing that I've elected NOT to do--it's just nothing I THOUGHT I would do. And now that I do, I am LOVING every minute of it.

This blog has mostly been about uncertainty. Glimpses into my world only when I couldn't figure out where to leap next.

However, today is different. Today, I KNOW without a doubt that I am SUPPOSED to do photography. Whether that entails opening a business or just doing it sporadically, I can't answer yet. All I can say is I fully enjoy it and wholeheartedly intend to keep enjoying it.

That's it for tonight. More pictures to come--I hope :)

I Fail on the Drive

Where to begin? It's hard. Life is hard. Everyday, there are new twists, new turns, and new trials.

Everyday, there are things I wish were never said, things I wish would have been said, and things I wish I knew how to say.


I have the hardest time with relationships. I am nice. And then, I say or do something mean. Not necessarily mean...but not nice. It's crazy. And yes, I know why. I drive people away. So they won't hurt me in the long run, I drive them away as quickly and as hard as I can. There are only a few people that stay through it. Only a few that can stand me.

Is it the right thing to do? No. Is it natural? I think so. My human side hates to be hurt. My human side, however, cannot stand to be lonely either. So after I have driven away people, I am still hurt.

I always end up thinking, "Now, why did I do that?"

It's a question I can't answer. Except to give the reason of my human side taking control.

Oh, how I wish I had a manual from God stating, "Jessica, these are your exact footsteps, where you are to go, and what you are to say, exactly how NOT to hurt people and you not get hurt either."

But there isn't. There is the Bible which lays out a plan. And I try to follow it. It doesn't promise no hurt. But it promises God will be there for me even when I fail.

And I fail daily.

On the Border

Sorry for the long delay! Didn't mean for it to be so long.

Going to be doing a bit of stream of conscious writing.

I'm a junior in college. Good thing. I almost lost my sanity back in the second sophomore semseter...seriously. I almost did.

I've had to tell 3 different people in the last month that, no, it isn't my first semester in college, that yes, I AM a junior, that I am 19, and that I really am not lying. And yes, I know I look too young. Got it. Understand. Completely.

Maybe when I am 40, I'll only look 30. Maybe by the time I'm 40, I will WANT to look 40. Who knows...I've got 21 years to figure it out...

Realized life is finite and definitely has an ending. 2 funerals in one month. No, thank you. I'd rather not. Oh, I don't have a choice? Well. My lands. Guess I'll go then. I went. They were sad. The kind of sad that makes you want to ball up your fists and sock a wall. Or something like that.


Well, those are my thoughts.

Happy reading,
J

5 Things...

Today, I feel light and airy. But dark and dreary as well.

Today, my Summer job ended. So sad to let go all the fun times I've shared this Summer with that precious little girl some know as my "adopted sister". I often joke with her that I love her guts. But it's true. I love her. A deep and strong love.

I know, I'm not really letting go of the fun times. I'll have the memories. But still. It went by so fast. Not everything did I do perfect. But everything, I did out of love. Sincere love. Real love. The kind of love that isn't so prevalent anymore. The kind of love that's overBooked* and underappreciated.

*I meant to write "over booked." By that, I mean that every one needs it. Everyone wants it. And it seems like there's not enough to go around.

To relax my mind, I'm going to name 5 things the average person wouldn't know about me. Being that I'm an open and honest person, almost to a fault, I will have to dig deep.

1) I love realistic art. Ok, maybe that one isn't so far fetched. But still...
2) I dream of having a photography studio of my own.
3) Typing relaxes me.
4) I despise scary movies. They are ridiculous and should NEVER be made.
5) I hate talking on the phone. With a passion.
6) I LOVE history. Colonial and and Civil War America ESPECIALLY.
7) I like to bake desserts.
8) I love scrapbooking and sewing.

Ok, so maybe I didn't have to try all that hard....the above, with the exception of the photography, typing, and scary movies, makes me sound Betty Crocker-ish...which isn't so bad.

My mind is relaxed, so thanks for reading,
J